Every night
by Kaira-chan
Summary: [Shido X Ban. Ban X Ginji] Every night I look into the mirror, and he's back with me. And then he leaves...


Ban X Ginji. Shido X Ban. Hintage towards: Ban X Himiko, Yamato X Ban, Ban X Fuudo. Yes, my Ban is a little man-whore ;3

I'm still just getting a grasp on the characters, so please tell me if they're OOC, and I'll keep it in mind for my next fic.

_The S in Getbackers means we'll always be together..._

* * *

They had looked for him for three days now. It had been three days since he went missing. Three days since _he_ had fallen, blood everywhere.

He found him when he wasn't actually looking for him. It was funny how that happened. How once you stopped looking and given up, you found what you were looking for.

Shido had done just that. He had given up and headed to the bar. Not to get drunk, per se, just to get a few drinks, talk to the bartender (who had become his friend ages ago), and to hopefully forget him fallen friend.

"Ban?" he couldn't stop himself, really. Ban looked terrible, and Shido couldn't remember Ban ever having drunk alcohol (besides wine on one or two occasions) before, which had been one of the reasons they hadn't checked the bars.

Ban looked at Shido like he had never seen him before, and Shido realized just how hard he must've taken this. It looked like he hadn't slept since then, and his eyes were bloodshot and tired looking.

"I didn't know you drank," Shido said, sitting in the barstool beside him.

Ban didn't answer right away, and Shido thought that maybe he didn't hear him, despite sitting right beside him. He was, after all, seemingly unaware of Shido's presence once again. Shido opened his mouth to repeat himself, but Ban showed that he was, in fact, listening.

"I don't." Pause. "I mean, I didn't. Not until..." he trailed off.

Shido opened his mouth again to say he understood what he meant, but Ban continued to speak, resting his forehead on his forearms that were one the counter, and practically talking into his lap.

"I can understand why you hate me."

Shido was taken aback. "I don't hate you..."

"You and Kazuki and everyone else...:

"...well, maybe we did when we first met you."

"Don't lie. I know you all have hated me. I stole _him_ from you. I hate myself, too. I took _him_ from me, too."

Shido stared at him, trying to make sense of the words, before figuring that they were probably just drunken mumbling. "What do you mean?"

Ban didn't answer him, sat up straight again and stared into his still-full glass of alcohol.

"Every night..." Ban started, now seemingly talking to himself. He swallowed. Breath in, breath out. "Every night, I look into the mirror, and _he's_ with me again. Every night we fight over sushi, and wrestle, and he tackles me and we're on the ground fighting over stupid things like parking tickets and pride."

Eyes close, picture it, smile, eyes open and back into reality. "And every night he leaves me again after just one minute."

Shido stared again, and it didn't take a moment to figure out he had been using the Evil Eye on himself.

Silence. Ban took a sip from his drink – it looked like a Bloody Mary.

"You win."

Shido blinked, trying to figure that one out, but unable to. "Excuse me?"

"You win. I can't be the Getbackers without _him_. Not without _him_. The S was meant to show we weren't alone anymore, that we always had each other, and now he's not here. So your recovery service winds."

"Midou – Ban..."

"Why do I have to kill everyone I love – everyone I've worked with?"

"What are you–"

"Ginji, Yamato, Fuudo, Himiko..."

"You didn't exactly have a choice with Fuudo!" Shido exclaimed, his own drink coming to him. "And Himiko's not even dead!"

"She will be," Ban said, not looking at Shido. Looking anywhere but Shido. "Everyone I love is killed by me."

"You didn't kill Ginji!"

"I did. Me and my pride. I stole his food when he was weak. I knew the job would be too much...

"December seventeenth. December seventeenth..."

Red. Everywhere was red, dripping dripping red.

He could've used the Evil eye earlier, but wanted to keep it in reserve – he only had one shot left.

He had always been so good at judging when to use it, and then one small slip-up, one little miscalculation....

Blood everywhere. Dripping, dripping blood.

He could've stopped it. Could've taken _his_ place, but hadn't. One little misplaced foot, and he stumbled, was just a few milliseconds too late.

He killed him. Everything was his fault, and this seemed so much worse than Yamato.

He glared at Shido, having to direct this anger at someone – something.

"Why aren't you sad?" Hissing.

"Wha..."

"Why aren't you feeling anything? Why aren't you like me?! I thought he was your friend." Venomous.

""I am!" Shido exclaimed, confused.

"Then act like it!" Ban lunged at him, and Shido grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. Ban was off today, not as strong as usual.

"I _am_ sad. I've lost _him _before. We almost thought he was dead then, too. He wasn't though. We thought he had died more times then we could count, and he never does. He refuses to stay dead."

"I – we saw him die. December 20th, tomorrow, they bury him." Ban wanted to want to kill Shido now, but couldn't.

"Yeah, okay, so he's dead in body. But he doesn't want to stay dead. He'll find a way back to us – to you especially – somehow."

"Why me?" Suspicious now.

"Because he – because he loved you. We didn't want to admit it, any of us. Didn't want to admit that he found someone more important than the Volts. But he found you, and deny it all we want, he did love you." Shido wondered when he had gotten so ... so _sentimental_, and was glad that the bar was empty, save for them and the bartender.

Ban couldn't take it anymore. So tired, so weak, so worthless. He needed food, but couldn't keep it down, needed sleep but unable to face is own nightmares.

He fell forward, into the warms that wrapped around him.

He felt that Ginji had come back.

* * *

Please read and review. Con crit more than welcome, flames will be mocked. 


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